Indian politicians form a football team.....

With India not making it to this edition of the World Cup and it looks like she won’t be making it to the finals for the next 15-20 years, all the talk has been surrounding the politics involved in the game, thought out writing about a football team formed by our very own politicians.....Goalkeeper: Absolutely no competition for this slot. It goes to J. Jayalalitha (for obvious reasons). Even Gianluggi Buffon would look like an amateur I front of her. And guess what everyone who SMSs for her in the "Player of the match" contest get free sarees and colour televisions. Her nearest competitor for this slot is K. Karunanidhi, you just cannot slip the ball in between his legs (again for obvious reason). If the coach makes him the no.1 goalkeeper than he is bound to get a contract as a football expert on Sun TV.Defenders: I would have put the ever dependable, crisis-man in this place, Pramod Mahajan, who else, but alas he is no more. Another person who comes to mind is A.B. Vajpayee, but he has a recurring knee injury sustained during his last stint as the captain of a club called "parliament" in India, handling the whims and fancies of his 18-man team. yet another one is Arjun Singh, who it seemed, a few months back was on the fag end of his career, but has made a late surge and given his career a new dimension, albeit jeopardizing the careers of all others who aspire to play the game. Not one to follow the instructions from the coach (I'll come to him later), this guy has tremendous sense of occasion and a talent to manipulate situations. He has pledged that he'll pass the ball to only 50% of the players, the OBC ones and also requested the FIFA to increase the no. of players from 11 to 22 so that everyone gets an opportunity to play. The quality of the players and of the game are least of his worries. The last of the defenders would be Amar Singh. This guy adds a new dimension to the sport, not on the field but off the field, with his entourage of film starts and corporates adding glamour to the sport.Midfielders: Laloo is the playmaker. A footballer who played pathetically for his club mainly because he thought his position was secure. Now he is out of that club. So he is playing for his country quite well. Though many people think it is because of his support staff. The next is Sharad Pawar, famous for his hard tackles, bound to keep ball possession and weave an entire game around himself. He has serious issues with the President of the Football Association and may be seen warming the bench, if he doesnt fall in line with her. Next is the firebrand right-winger, Narendra Modi. Expect him to make hard tackles, at times injuring opposition players, give controversial interviews, but be there for his team when most needed and resurrect them from the doldrums when required.Forwards: You require some youngsters in this position, for they can show some innovation and the urge to speed up things. The choice revolves around, Sachin Pilot, Milind Deora, Jyotiraditya Scindia. Not much can be said about their performace as they are just in their 1st seasons with their respective clubs. Another contender for this spot was Rahul Mahajan, but he now runs the risk of a two year ban for consuming performance enhancing drugs. However we maybe eventually end up seeing that none of these make it to the final 11. That spot will surely be taken up by Rahul Gandhi. Not because he has performed well, actually this guy hasn’t played football at, school, college, club or any other level. But then he has been drafted into the team because he is the son of the President, whose family has been ruling the sport in particular and the Indian mentality in general for the last half a decade.Coach: Manmohan Singh would be coach. During his 1st stint as coach, some 15 years back, he did a great job by getting in foreign recruits, creating competition, boosting performance levels and at times even hurting a few egos. A coach with sound strategies but armed with players out of whom 50% have no intentions to follow them, 25% are too daft to follow them and the rest are covered in the next point. Sonia Gandhi will be the coach's coach, the President. The person who is not a part of the team but who runs it. It is because of her that the remaining 25% follow the strategies of Mr. Singh. However these players tend to fall all over themselves to please the coach's coach. Prominent among them are Natwar Singh (who has been red carded indefinitely for doing some hanky panky with a few family members and friends), Arjun Singh, etc.The support staff activities would be looked after by the members of the Left parties. They would never enter the playing field, maybe not even the stadium. However all match analysis (read criticism) would be left to these people. Chances are that this support staff might shift loyalties to another game where one of their heroes (shame to many others, that definitely includes me), needs them to resurrect (read, burn effigies, riot, bring things to a a standstill) his career which is virtually over.That’s about it....oops forgot to add something important. Rival teams and punters are most welcome to fix matches. all processes are streamlined and all rates are duly fixed. A list of official middlemen will be circulated 2 days prior to the game. Interested parties can get in touch with them. Punters approaching through a middleman named Quattrochi would be given preference.